When you’re feeling exhausted…
When you’re feeling exhausted, you feel as if you’re pressed down by an invisible heaviness that no amount of sleep can take away. You’ve tried to push through, to motivate yourself, to sign up for new things, even if a part of you silently screamed ‘no’ in the background. You’ve tried running, yoga, painting, breathing, music, meditation – but after feelings of peace and happiness, the dull slowness returns. You’re truly exhausted – of yourself, of the way your life has turned out these days, of your various futile attempts to claw your way out of this place and of continuing to feel this way.
Your exhaustion is both physical and emotional, both bone- and soul-deep. If you’d had to put it into words, you might describe it as a burned-out weariness, a vague loss of interest in the way things are and were, an instinctual urge to retreat into a cave of your own making. It’s hard to say what brought this way of feeling or being on (or maybe a wave that keeps returning) – but you’ve reached a stage where you’re ready to stop analysing it and start listening to its need for rest.
Exhaustion as a gateway to a new beginning.
It makes sense that you feel this way – for it is truly exhausting to use all of your physical and mental capabilities to keep up this weary battle with yourself. To feel torn between fear, desire, common sense and yourself. To hide from your distress in a cloud of busy-ness, to-do lists and other people’s advice, for the short-term superficial relief they provide. To carry the weight of heavy responsibilities and expectations for yourself, each step of the way. To be deeply afraid of losing something you believe you need to feel like you.
Because underneath that exhaustion? There’s a tiny vibrant part of you that refuses to die. Yearnings that refuse to be forgotten. Questions your mind can’t even fathom asking yet (let alone answer). There are parts of your soul that have gone into hibernation, in an attempt to create a false sense of safety, to bargain for a perceived bigger gain – but the effort needed to keep this part of you out of sight is becoming a heavier burden by the day. It’s natural that you’re here at this point – for this is the way of transformation. And just like it takes the right timing and particular external conditions for nature to have enough impetus to move into spring each year, so will the timing be right for you at a certain point to slowly release this heavy weight and step into a new beginning you can’t even imagine yet.
What to do when you’re feeling exhausted.
Do not judge your exhaustion, the way or speed at which this is unfolding or your lack of answers. Life is asking you to slowly look beyond your mental concerns – and listen to your instincts. What do they tell you? You are doing the important work of learning to care for and trust yourself, of learning to listen to and tend to that little flame within. And while this stage may seem like a let-down compared to the glorious developments you imagined for yourself, know that you’re laying the groundwork for bigger outer changes to come.
Be kind to yourself and remember that you’re only human. Emotions are exhausting. Change is exhausting. Let go of whatever you can that feels like too much right now (including any judgement you have towards yourself about doing so). Share how you feel with a friend (without judging the way you feel or the very need to talk about it and receive input). Release the need to know when or how this will end, or to have any preliminary answers, for the process of transformation is asking you to have faith in life itself.
All will be well, I promise. But until then – take it easy and go with your gut, one day at a time…
