Urgent self-support

Place one hand on your chest and one hand on your belly, placing both feet on the floor. Take 3 slow breaths in - and out, getting your belly to move up and down. After this, stroke your lips with your fingers. Feel the weight of your body on your chair, and your feet on the floor. Continue as needed. Roll your shoulders.

Ask yourself what you most need now (a hug, a silly show, a bath, a walk, a talk..) and give it to yourself.

Call/message a friend or family member who can listen. Open up. Let them know what's going on and what you most need. If no-one is available or you don’t want to call anyone, write down your thoughts in your journal / phone / piece of paper. Spill it out without needing to censor yourself. You’re cleaning your emotional pipes.

Go for a brief aimless walk outside (in nature if you can). Let your 'inner tug' guide you with as to what direction to take at each turn.

When hurting (emotionally) in your relationship, remind yourself that your partner doesn't intend to hurt you, that he or she is hurting as well right now and trying to cope with it the way they did in childhood. If you find yourself escalating, focus on soothing yourself as much as possible by slowing down, noticing your physical sensations, breathing, and softening your voice. If you're the one that talks and reaches out more - practice imagining what your partner might be thinking / feeling right now, learning more about their emotional experience of this moment, without needing to defend your side. If you're the one that pulls back more - practice saying "I feel..." to your partner without blame, inviting them into your inner world. If the hurt is physical and/or intimidating, take an immediate pause - by going outside for a walk. If needed and possible, try to find a different place to stay for a few nights.

Try to imagine the many people all over the world thinking or feeling the exact same things this very moment.

Put your phone on silent and turn off your computer (20 minutes). Find a place to sit comfortably. Check in with your body to see what it feels like, this moment. Notice, rather than fear, whatever sensation is there - in your chest, your shoulders, your belly. Notice where you feel it, and breathe through it. Notice it shifting.

Share and connect with other people struggling with a similar issue in online meetings (for free) through intherooms.com

Are you considering suicide or self-harm? That means it must be very, very difficult right now. Please call the suicide hotline in the Netherlands here, one of the international lines all over the world here or go here to talk to someone immediately. If you're feeling anxious, alone or just need someone to listen (without being in crisis), I recommend logging onto 7cups. All of these lines (and 7cups) are free of cost.